Archive for November 7th, 2009
Having kids to close together?
The difference between my eldest and youngest is 18 years, however, it is not this difference in age between the youngest and eldest children that causes much of an issue, it is more so the difference in age between each individual child.
Starting from my eldest to the youngest the difference in age between children goes a little something like this:
Number 1 – Number 2 = 23 months
Number 2 – Number 3 = 14 months
Number 3 – Number 4 = 3 years, 8 months
Number 4 – Number 5 = 17 months
Number 5 – Number 6 = 23 months
Number 6 – Number 7 = 20 months
Number 7 – Number 8 = 20 months
Number 8 – Number 9 = 20 months (is there a pattern forming here ;P)
Number 9 – Number 10 = 21 months
Number 10 – Number 11 = 11 months
From the numbers above I’d have to say that the ideal difference in age between children most definitely goes to the 20-23 month period. This time gap ensured I had a full recovery from the previous pregnancy and I was able to get a consistent routine between children. By the time I found myself pregnant again I was fully able to dedicate myself to the newborn and the transition into the family was made extremely easy, this also enabled us to still provide a lot of quality time to previous children, especially the child preceding the newborn without creating any unwanted sibling rivalry or jealousy.
At 20-23 months most children are learning their own independence and although this is usually an introduction to the terrible two’s I can confidently say that this did not create too much drama for our household. All in all I favour this difference in age between children purely for the fact that there is not too much of a gap where children find communicating or playing with each other somewhat difficult, there are still moments of growth that they are able to share, experience and discover with other siblings.
Having detailed the easier spacing to deal with between children, the not so difficult but not so easy range would have to be 14-17 months. At this stage patience can be a little strained but with the tried and true routine I still believe this age gap is manageable. 14-17 months usually indicates the end to bottles and an introduction to the toddler years where walking leads to running and the discovery of one’s other senses through increased mobility. This can be a trying age when your 14-17 month doesn’t quite comprehend all instructions as adequately as an almost 2 year old, especially when you are trying to feed your newborn child.
I suggest that if your toddler is awake during feeding times for your newborn that you sit them down quietly beside you to share some reading time, have them turn the pages while you read the pages or even make up a playful story as the pages are flicked in the “no set order” that your toddler will assume or engage them in blocks or creative hand play where you can comment on the activities at hand while you continue to concentrate on providing a relaxed feeding time for baby. Enjoy the moments as much as possible and try to include your 14-17 month old in the daily routine of your newborn so there is a sense of belonging and role of importance for your toddler.
I also need to touch on the more than 3 year gap. I also have a 3 year gap between my older sister and I and I believe this difference in age between children may be hard to gauge. From experience the age gap was very challenging for me, I felt as if I always wanted to do what my older sister was doing but felt restrained due to being 3 years her junior. However the contrast I have with my own children is that my daughter is 3 years older than her brother and this doesn’t seem to have been a major issue, so I guess the gender of your child can play a major part in the difference in age between children.
At the complete other end of the spectrum is the less than 12 month period. I strongly believe that had I had an 11 month period between any of my other births, I may not have had so many children. The 11 month period between my number 10 and 11 was extremely difficult. Keeping in mind that I have a wealth of knowledge, tips and tricks from 10 previous children, we were not prepared for the 11 month gap. It came as quite a surprise as we had always wanted twins or a multiple birth but after having Troy (number 10) and Tiana (number 11) we have a new respect for parents of multiple births.
It almost became a daily struggle where both babies needed the same if not exact attention and time. Initially it was slightly easier to cope with until I returned to work when Tiana was 3 months old but this left Ieremia holding both babies and I know he has some stories to share with you all. From my experience the 11 month and under gap is extreme and possibly not something I would recommend unless of course you had alot of support from your partner or family during the first 18 months.
When all is said and done I believe that there are many contributing factors to whether there is an ideal difference in age between children but based on experience I would have to stick to the 20 month and above gap.
For more on the trials and tribulations of our family … where there’s never a dull moment and we share our experiences in raising children and welcome your queries and feedback, please feel free to visit http://www.4my11kids.com
Looking forward to “seeing you” there
Roseanne
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Solving Playgroup Problems
Playgroups are social gatherings with moms and their kids, that allow the kids to play with other children around their same age, and moms to socialize. They are often held at the park, or at someone’s home, and can be a lot of fun. Despite the fun involved and the fact that playgroups are sort of a rite of passage for mothers, there are some pitfalls.
One of the pitfalls many mothers recognize with playgroups is that often it is more for the moms than it is for the kids. This often results in the moms socializing and the kids are not being watched as well. Many a parent has gone home from playgroup with a child who has a scratch, a bump, a diaper that has been dirty for a long time, etc. When the moms start talking, they tend to neglect their children. Even if you go as a mom who watches your child well, if other moms are not watching theirs, it can mean your kid gets hit or scratched by someone’s child, and they do not do anything about it. So, if you intend to go to a playgroup, try to find one where the moms will socialize, which is important, but watching kids is the first priority.
Another of the common pitfalls of a playgroup is that it is a prime place for germs to spread. Basically, you can’t control whether or not another mom brings their kid to playgroup sick. In some cases, a mom will crave the social interaction so much that she won’t consider that her child has a cold, had the flu a few days before, or any other illness. This means that your child could be getting sick because someone else did not consider their child’s germs. Because the whole point of a playgroup is to get moms out of the house, and get kids interacting, it often leads to people coming no matter what, with sick kids, with ornery kids, etc. this is not a good situation to put your child into. So, there is a good chance your kid will be at risk. Obviously this is not always the case, and you can find good playgroups where everyone is really respectful of how their child’s health could affect your child’s.
One of the biggest pitfalls of a playgroup is that your child is either going to thrive or drown, there is not much in between. Kids tend to gang up when in larger groups, and your child could be the one being picked on. The problem with playgroups is that generally some kids will thrive, and others will wilt. This is especially true of already shy children. So, if your child is not an aggressive personality, it could actually make them more introverted then they already are. Of course, in some instances a playgroup can help your child to blossom and open up because they are exposed to new things, but you will need to choose your playgroup carefully if you do not want to make your child even less social than they currently are.
For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com
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Teens have changing bodies, and a lot of pressure to look and be a certain someone. This can be both good and bad, however, in many instances it can take a toll on their personal self image. Teens often have warped body images. The following are some tips for encouraging a healthy body image: Help them create their own style: In many instances your teen is going to have an unhealthy body image because they see clothes that someone skinnier, or more curvy, or more buff, or taller can wear, and they do not look the same in them. So, help your child love their body by finding clothing and a style that works for them. They are never going to have a positive self image if they are trying to look good in clothes that do not flatter their body. Do not let them debase themselves: One of the best things you can do for your teen when it comes to their body image is never allow them to put themselves down in your presence. Set firm rules about it. If you hear your teen say they are fat, or that they have ugly freckles, or that they are plain, or that their hair is too stringy, or that their legs are too hairy, or whatever they complain about, stop them dead in their tracks. Anytime you hear your teen say something they do not like about their body, make them tell you five things that they do. They have to know that complaining about their body, and hating themselves is not okay with you. Be strict about it, and be sure to tell them things that you love about them any time you hear them complain. Talk about what appearance means: When your child is struggling with their body image, it is important to talk to them about what appearance and body image means. Help them to understand that images are different to different people. What one person likes, another may not. Just like you may be more attracted to blondes, than brunettes. Appearance is in the eye of the beholder, so your child needs to stop trying to make themselves look better for others, and simply make their body what will please them. Once your child understand this, body image, and having a more positive feeling about their own body will be easier. Be a positive role model: If you want your teen to have a positive, healthy, body image, your best means of encouragement is to have one yourself. If your teen constantly hears you talk about dieting, and remaking yourself, wanting a better stomach, or whiter teeth, or whatever it may be, they will start feeling the same way. They will find that no matter what they look like, or how great their body is, it is not good enough. So, be careful to be positive about your own body, and never put yourself down in front of them, or it will give them permission to do the same about their own body. So, encourage a healthy body image through example. If you do not have a healthy body image, then fake it in front of your child. For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com
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Effects of Single Parenting
Negative Effects of Single Parenting
Normally when people think about the effects of single parenting, they consider only the negative aspects of the situation. While there is a great deal of potential for a child to develop negative effects of being a child in a single parent home, there is also the opportunity for them to thrive as well. One of the most common negative effects that can come from this situation is a decrease in the academic performance of the child. When the child or children have too much to deal with and are not given a good way to vent their frustration or resentment, they will often slack at school in an effort to gain attention or lash out.
Other negative effects of single parenting can include an increased risk of becoming involved in crime, alcohol or drug abuse, and other delinquent behavior that can negatively affect the child’s future. The reason that children of single parents tend to gravitate towards these behaviors is because of a lack of supervision, or because they do not receive the guidance or attention that they needed in order to deal with their feelings and the loss of a parent.
Positive Effects of Single Parenting
The positive effects of single parenting are often less discussed or applauded, but they do in fact exist. When a single parent takes the time to embrace being both a mother and father for their child and does everything within their power to make sure their child or children gets the help they need, then the following positive effects can occur.
Children of single parents have an increased ability to build stronger bonds with their remaining parent. If that parent opens themselves up and allows their child to come to them with any problem they might have, then the child will develop a bond with that parent that allows them to stay on a focused and responsible path.
Those who are raised by a parent that goes out of their way to get the children the emotional help they need after the loss of a parent have the ability to get better grades in school, shine socially, and to excel in all aspects of their lives without succumbing to peer pressure in order to fit in. Counseling after a parent has left or passed on will give a child all of the tools that they need in order to cope and not rebel or fall into detrimental behaviors.
There are both negative and positive effects of single parenting, and both should be considered closely. If a child is give the nurturing attention that they need during this difficult time, then they can steer away from the negative behaviors that they may have fallen prey to, and will be able to excel the same as or better than those from a two parent home.
Becoming a single parent is not an easy task for an individual to accomplish, and it is often a step that they were unprepared for. There are many side effects of single parenting which have the opportunity to both positively or negatively affect an individual. Find out more at http://www.singleparentingguide.com.
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Electronics Awareness – with kids a full time job
When parents discuss how much media they allow their children, the answers vary wildly. Some parents have very strict time restrictions on their children’s media viewing while others give their children more control over the time they spend on media.
How do you know when your child is getting too much media?
One mom knew she needed to allow less video game time when her 7-year-old son started not wanting play outside or do things with the family preferring his video game instead. He was so attached to playing his video game that he often pitched a fit when he was told the game had to go off. His games didn’t have a good way to save the game for later so he was reluctant to stop playing and lose his place in the game.
She decided to reduce his video game playing to one hour twice a week. She started giving him a 10 minute warning before his hour was up. When the 10 minutes were up, he could either choose to shut the game off or she would turn the power off. It only took a couple times of turning the power off to get him to shut the game down in time.
What are signs that digital usage is becoming a problem?
If your children are exhibiting these types of behaviors, it’s time to think about reducing the time they spend on media:
• Spending less and less time with family and friends
• Difficulty focusing on the present moment due to craving video game or cellphone
• Developing health issues such as Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, eye strain, weight gain, backaches
• Withdrawing from sports, hobbies and social interactions
• Losing sleep due to gaming, texting
• Acting irritable or discontent when not using digital items
• Declining grades in school, missing school
• Talking and thinking obsessively about the digital activity
• Denying or minimizing any negative consequences
If you feel your child is addicted to video games and will react extremely to having limits set, it is wise to seek help from a professional counselor or psychologist.
What do the experts recommend?
Hilarie Cash, psychotherapist and co-author of Video Games & Your Kids, makes the following recommendations for personal screen time (computer, TV, video games). This time does not include computer time needed for homework.
• Under 2-years-old: no screen time
• Preschool: 1 – 2 hours/day
• Elementary: 2 hours/day
• Junior/Senior High: 2 – 3 hours/day
She also recommends no TV, internet or gaming consoles in children’s rooms. The primary problem with having these devices in children’s bedrooms is that parents have more difficulty monitoring what’s going on.
Won’t it be difficult to set limits?
It can be very hard to set limits around digital entertainment. These digital devices keep our children content while we benefit from some free time. However, when we realize our children’s media usage is having a negative impact on them, we need to set some limits despite our children’s protesting.
With older children, it can help to explain why we’re concerned about the time they’re spending on digital entertainment. Engaging them in deciding what reasonable limits should be set may help them in sticking to those limits.
We may also need to change our own behavior so that we are modeling reasonable digital media usage. While this won’t be easy, it will provide the time to try other activities. Perhaps this will be the summer your family discovers how much fun it is to go biking together!
Kathy Slattengren is a noted parenting speaker, trainer and founder of Priceless Parenting. Priceless Parenting provides an online parenting class which teaches effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior.
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No more tears!